If Christmas cards and B grade holiday movies are to be believed, Christmas is a time of family togetherness, good wishes towards everyone and a time to spend bathed in the love of your relatives. The reality, as we all know, is FAR different.
Everyone has that Uncle that tells smutty jokes and makes everyone uncomfortable. We all have the Aunty that wears too much make up, rocks the “can I speak to the manager” haircut (thank you Josh), and insists on kissing you on the lips with jammy lipstick, or worse, gives you stubble rash from her unwaxed upper lip.
Grandma is always good for an inappropriate comment or two, because as a rule old people have no filter, and basically no conscience, and as a result will say whatever they please.
Originally this blog was was going to be about ways to deal with this kind of behaviour, but then I came across this gem from Good Housekeeping:
Firstly, if you’re wearing an outfit like that at Christmas, you have bigger worries than your mother insulting your cooking. And secondly, that is the most boring advice I have ever heard.
So, given that the boring ways of dealing with insulting and rude relatives has been covered by Good Housekeeping, I’ve decided to go with Plan B
The Christmas Drinking Game
This game is very simple. When someone says any of the following, or any of the following things happen to you… take a drink.
You’ve put on weight
Do you really need a second piece and Pavlova?
So, when are you going to settle down?
When are you going to give me Grandkids?
How exciting, you’re pregnant ( and you’re not pregnant)
A child gets “packaging rage” because he can’t get his present open
When are you going to ask this lovely young lady to marry you (and she’s standing right next to you)
The following conversation occurs
You: I like potato
Grandma: We can tell! But we love you anyway
Your creepy Uncle makes an even creepier reference to being “Naughty or Nice”
Someone is wearing a Christmas themed piece of clothing
Someone tries to save wrapping paper
You get accidently stabbed in the eye by an antler headband
Someone plays a Mariah Carey Christmas song (3 shots, due to badness of Mariah Carey music)
A relative gets drunk and tries to dance
You’re seated at the childrens table because you are either short, or immature (this one could just be me)
Someone makes a Ho Ho Ho joke about actual Ho’s
So there you have it ! My Christmas Drinking Game. Not exactly healthy, but neither is murdering your entire family in a fit of holiday rage… It’s all about balance !!
Merry Christmas xx